Chapter 8: The day I met You.
Amina:
“I want to go back… i feel a desperate desire to go back…
My thoughts of my life as the human “Amina” are settling in their place.
I feel a gentle pull that is coming from a memory line, and I am moving with the flow around me.
I recognise this scent, the feeling of the air currents embrace me, and so, i allow myself to flow with the train of thoughts that are now coming one after another.
It is an attempt to give sense and meaning to whatever is that I found and lived here.
The quiet voice that kept me company, the thoughts of guidance and intuitions i had as a human, my Larger Identity, is bringing me back to my true self by using the first forces of behaviour.
Attraction, care, fear, rejection, desire, the first expressions of mathematics contained and revealed in the behaviour of matter.
The familiar air is slowly starting to take structure and give shape to feelings.
Colors are starting to appear from what looks like a multi-dimensional design with patterns that seem to be created in the same manner as a crocheted blanket. Energy wires of different flows and values are being used to create reality, instead of fabric and cotton strings, for the designs that come to be.
It feels to me as if everything is being rebuilt in the moment. My energy starts to retake structure, carefully rebuilding the host that i have been so familiar with, my body.
That is the impression i can put together in this fraction of a moment.”
As things took the physical shape of that moment, of that reality, Amina slowly started to lose partial connection with her current self, her current experience.
The more things came to be, the clearer the experience became, and in an instant, while she debated the reality of her presence in this place, all her thoughts focused on a very specific point in time that felt like, and, became the present.
She slowly got pulled from the play of lights and strings and from the bits and pieces, and she was thrown into the past of her experience, which had taken shape now.
She could swear it was real but at the same time, something kept telling her it is not.
Amina:
“As things change around me, I’m being drawn in, it feels like I am getting close to the edge of a powerful attraction, but I cannot see much beside different shapes changing states and structure to fit the memories of a time long passed, acting like waves, turning into particles and…. i am back?”
Suddenly, Amina was running down the corridor of what she remembered as her school.
She stole a glance out the window on her way to her mother’s lecture hall, which was on the top floor, providing one of the best sea views in the building.
In the far distance, the sea was glittering, and you could hear the birds and waves crashing into the high cliffs of that town.
It was a small town on the coast of Dovenbarg, that was in a temperate warm area with clear blue skies and a fresh constant breeze coming from the ocean.
The cliffs where tall and proud far in the distance, and you could see the reflection of the warm sun on the water surface, burning light, white flames playing on waves of water.
Based on the experiment’s results, what we translated and understood from it, Amina was expressing a duality of minds, of reason, and then she fell into time, a past time, becoming the other self within the physical entity of that human avatar. She was now expressing herself as the inner thoughts of the human Amina.
Inner thoughts – Amina:
“Such a warm day, such refreshing air.”
Being pulled from the place she actually was present in, the past reality started to set its own foundation, she found herself in a different time but not completely cut off from the essence of the true reality she was in, which contains this one.
As if looking back through the structure of time, and, traveling in its very existence until the moment was chosen, and in she went; the duality of being here while being there, bonded but not fixed, part of time but only temporarily.
Amina was eventually unaware of her current state of existence, she found herself completely absorbed by the sensations and feelings brought forth by the unfolded experience of that day.
Her current awareness was being combined into shapes and forms of a unit from a different time, the human avatar named Amina, while her mind fell into the normal patterns of thought belonging to that time frame.
During her lifetime she often loved to stop and stare in awe at the daily exceptional beauty that she encountered, and now, reliving a moment already written, back she went to the same mind set.
Her perception towards existence around her reignited; unaware that this is not the first time she perceived this mathematical combination of values and life, this already set painting of time.
Her body felt real, her mind perceived it as reality and this reality was converted to feelings, feelings which gave form to her thoughts.
Inner thoughts – Amina:
“I love the sea, the beauty of water and the power that it manifests when it flows and changes between its different states.
The pure colors of reflected light and the fresh salty smell of the waves, the breeze on the top of a hill, turning into wind that pours sounds and sensations on everything under the sky.
The warm sunlight that touches our faces and brings light within the darkness of our closed eyes.
These moments, make me fall in love with existence.”
Stopping for a brief moment to admire the view, she got lost in attempting to set every detail perfectly in the memory of her mind, so that she can recall it and re-live it whenever she required a memory to run to.
Amina was passionate in learning many things, even if not fully. The tiny bits of information that were lingering deep within her, were summoned to help her gain context, reminding her about the importance of understanding a whole, and its parts.
As the wise ones used to say in the times of ancient society…
“Seeing everyday life as holy, is in part, seeing the world and it’s contents as infinitely receptive to our activities of exploring, responding, relating and creating as an arena that would richly repay these activities, no matter how far they are taken, whether by an individual or by all humanity together throughout it’s time.”[1]
[1] “Examined Life” by Robert Nozick
In a way, her desire to be, to exist, drove her towards the wisdom of the old ages, and guided her towards our true meaning and value.
Space and Time around her showed the complex colors and play of light of one early sunrise from time. Reality was forming and structures were present as she knew them from her human life.
While she stayed to breathe in the moment, on the other side of the building was her mother, waiting for her.
Beset was in her classroom and was sitting at her desk highly focused on some research papers.
The windows in the classroom where her mother was setting up her next lecture were large and meant to take advantage of the warm light that came from their sun.
Her mother looked as if the light granted her a special aura of warmth and kindness, properly suited for the elegant figure that was passionately searching for the next answer in her master project of defining existence.
A passion that was easily found in every expression of her elegant face features.
She had a cheerfully knitted strand with a sort of colorful accessory that was easily seen in her dark hair.
Her mother always had that hair pin, the knitted string with all the spectrum official colors, it was inherited from her grandmother, who got it from her mother and so on, it was a family reminder of her ancestor who was a child in the protests of the Week of Silence.
An artefact from the revolution that changed the way we approached society for Amina’s grandmother and all the generations to come after her.
For Beset, it carried a feeling of remembrance and nostalgia.
The multicoloured string was mixed with her dark hair and spread all kinds of colors around in its reflection. The hair ribbon was made of a new type of clothing material, that was found before the system changed.
It sparkled, and the reflections were cascading inside the room and created a gameplay of lights around her. It was a fabric loved by those who found pleasure in colors and reflections, the new party dresses were made of it.
Her figure was petit, and she dressed in simple light colors, her preferred styles were made from a material used in the older days, mostly in the countryside at first, then it became a trend of those times. It is a semi-transparent breathable material that we still enjoy using. We rediscovered it and found the simplicity to be pleasurable.
The classroom she was in, was styled in a modern way, the light was integrated in the furniture, and was aimed to avoid the dimming of rooms which was proven to have adverse effects on learning, but also to be sure it is not too much so that it won’t cause the students eyes to get tired fast.
The change was proven to help more than the old light system and was up to the standard of their new way of consuming resources, as it was used only when it was required, and this helped save some energy in return. Our AI, “Friend”, was helping us with this part.
The new educational centres were designed with the best methods of organisation found over the years, to provide a proper study environment, keeping the young ones active and fresh.
The main focus for improvements were always being centred around the young ones biological and mental welfare, to assist them with remembering the learned topics and keep them healthy.
The desks had a holographic display for the purpose of teaching and educating in a more visual friendly style, they were very useful in the daily complicated lectures that the youth had to undergo.
The lecture hall was octagonal and had chairs that were set vertically in layers.
From the center of this octagon the teachers or AIEdu holograms would present their lectures and stream it to the student’s desk. The profiles for our digital teachers were based on the personality of our most dedicated, beloved teachers, we did a great job with this integration.
This freed up actual human educators to better connect on an individual level, by having time to go around the desks, talking to the kids, answering questions our AI could not.
Amina would come to spend many fun and inspirational moments in this classroom together with Kharis.
The walls were a pale yellow, with hanging artwork from students, large windows everywhere, and it had a retractable roof.
Their desks looked as if they were made of smoothed dark wood, and the chairs were from a special reshaping foam that kept their backbone structure safe, colored in green and wood like colors.
The invention of the school that Amina enjoyed most, was the VisioCreative room, where you could book time and go immerse yourself in an empty space. In that space, the world can turn into anything you require to understand.
It was built on the basis of the Virtual Reality technology, like the ones in the 21st century but more advanced, the concept today allowing a 360 degree experience.
Students often booked this room to do thought experiments and visualize the difficult to imagine parts of their science, and Amina was leaving from one of these learning sessions when the sea captured her attention in the hallway.
Inner thoughts – Amina:
“I feel my mind existing outside of time and space… when i see this beauty.
Don’t you agree?”
Within the Avatar of the human named Amina, the Larger Identity of which she was part of, spoke in sounds of her own inner thoughts and feelings. This voice did not have a name before for her; it was her or maybe her intuition, but, now it felt a bit clearer with whom she often engaged in self-dialogue within.
Larger Identity:
“We do. “
Taking a deep breath, she smiled gently, her heart now being filled with feelings of love and wonder towards everything that surrounded her, as nature was the source of her inspiration, joy, and peace.
The larger identity that she was being absorbed by, was sending feelings to the human Amina, and engaged in conversations with her inner human thoughts, with “her” as she was now, in the matrix of existence.
The role of the Larger Identity was to be a Bridge between Fundamental Consciousness and the dot in the spiral, the human called Amina.
A bridge of translation, of communication; converting states of universal feelings to logic and rational thought, into a sort of ordered mathematics.
She started walking more slowly on the corridor by the windows, heading to her mother’s lecture hall, and was completely absorbed by the replayed fragment of time.
After she bathed in the pleasure of the view and self-meditation, inner conversations, she went ahead while deep in thought and full of conflicts within.
Amina barely made it halfway to her mother’s desk when she started speaking loudly and uncaring of others in the room, thinking, it is her mother, and they are on a break after all.
Amina’s Human Host:
“Mom! Are you busy? Can we talk about my specialization and moving out? I’m really conflicted on what to choose and which way to go…”
Beset:
“Sure honey, give me 10 minutes to finish saving my notes and i will meet you upstairs on the roof garden.”
Amina’s Human Host:
“Ok, i will wait for you there…”
Amina smiled politely and swiftly turned around, moving slowly with her head stuck in her own imagination.
As she was walking towards the roof, she was debating and balancing the arguments that supported either one or the other probable future path she will have to choose soon, and the risks that come with each path.
She has just graduated, and they were at a age of choosing the specialization they would like to understand in depth.
Amina was expressing the worry of making wrong choices that cannot be reverted, and the fear of moving forward that this brought into her mind.
Unsure, and fearful of what will come to be, she was hoping for guidance and perhaps a bit of relief from the burdens of responsibility, even though she knew that will not be the case, not from her mother.
Inner thoughts – Amina:
“Maybe this will be that one exception…”
The importance of making her own choices was made clear by Beset in the home education that she gave to her child.
This made Amina to be particularly exigent of herself to make the right choice, being sure that the way she moves ahead will help her in her aims and passions. But, at the same time, it made her terribly afraid of the consequences that the wrong decision would bring forward.
Without realising, she already reached the roof garden and as she walked in through the big glass doors, the sun hit her eyes, and everything went white for a moment.
She moved from the sun, took a deep breath, and decided to sit in the best spot to view the sea.
Her mother did make her wait, as she normally did; Beset finished saving her notes and said goodbye to the students.
After some small talk with them, she went up to meet her daughter, stopping here and there, to respectfully say good day to other teachers and students as she was a well-known figure in the world of science.
Amina was already sitting on the bench near the edge, staring into what seemed like nothingness to the normal passer-by. She knew she had to wait, and what better time to travel in your own mind then when you wait for time to pass.
That roof, this day, the light, it would become a place she will always remember, as on this bench, on this day, she would meet Kharis, and her feelings about life, her path, will change.
There was a light breeze that rushed by her, and from the doors behind the lemon trees, which were in full bloom, a boy walked in.
Keeping his eyes down, with an official suit that was a bit loose on his skinny body, his hair brown and with a wild look to it, it was covering his deep green eyes. He marched forward attempting to simulate confidence and placed his books on the table next to Amina.
She froze for a moment, feeling a deep overwhelming familiarity, then she smiled, clumsily trying to hide her obvious fascination with this brave, messy and cute boy that appeared out of nowhere surrounded by noise.
Kharis suddenly turned around and started to talk to Amina, presenting himself.
Kharis:
“Hello, my name is Kharis, and I have been told that professor Beset Sapio went to the roof garden.
Have you by any chance noticed if she was here and she left?”
Amina could barely control her smile.
Amina’s Human Host:
“I have not seen her yet, so she must be on her way if that’s what you were told.
Why are you waiting for her if you don’t mind me asking?”
Kharis:
“Well…”
He continued in a lower tone, that showed his actual lack of confidence in his pursuit.
“I saw the available positions for internship in the Science unification department, so I told my dad I will come here and try, i will apply even if there are just two spots, I came all the way from Wandila, you know, the learning center of biological research.
My mom works on understanding the communications and social cooperation of things like… trees, roots, plants, fungus…
She inspired me to look beyond the surface and observe the depth of things.
So, here I am. “
Quickly stealing a glance at her reactions, he settled himself and refocused his glare onto the sparkling blue sea, then continued.
Kharis:
“I apologize, I tend to speak and rant when I’m anxious, and even though I dreamt of this and came a long way, I still fear the potential rejection.
The competition might be much more prepared than I am, and sometimes it feels like I have no idea what I’m doing.
But…yes, that’s why I am waiting for her…”
Amina smiled, full of excitement, as in her mind the vision of a potential friendship was born, feelings of connection were triggered, and he somehow felt familiar.
Amina’s Human Host:
“You have to be joking! What are the chances!”
Kharis was a little surprised by her reaction but didn’t have time to be focused on that for too long before she exploded in words, he was amazed by this simple looking yet powerful force of nature that this tiny human expressed.
Amina’s Human Host:
“I also applied for this internship you speak of! I was literally wondering if I am good enough for this and was considering to drop out… you know… The professor…she is my mother…”
Kharis was shocked for a moment, what were the chances he would meet her from all people…then he continued with surprise in his expression.
Kharis:
“Oh, I’m sorry. I had no idea her daughter is interested in this field, I read that she got invited to the prestigious institute in the Center of Psychology and Biology of the Brain.”
He suddenly realized he was talking of her as if she wasn’t there and stopped to sneak a look and see if she felt offended.
Amina was smiling gently, with sadness creeping in and hiding in the corners of her expression. The sadness of not being seen but being lost in the shadow of her own achievements and the expectations of others.
She knew that reputation can make people act differently, and who one truly is, gets lost in sight. It is a sort of loneliness that others do not see.
Snapping out of the moment, Kharis continued.
“I’m sorry… I mean, they were writing about how you had an insight in the development of the digital cortex, and how you have a natural gift towards that side of science. Are you no longer interested in that?
What happened? If you have time and don’t mind talking about it?”
Flustered, and realizing he might have been a bit intrusive; he was expressing an awkward and apologetic smile.
It just felt so natural, as if he knew her since forever.
Deep within, he hoped that she felt this as well, and perhaps his questions were not intrusive, but simply a natural reaction to their timely interaction.
As fate and mathematics have dictated since the energy blob expanded itself into the cosmos, she too felt the same way, and without the smallest doubt went on and said.
Amina’s Human Host:
“Don’t be silly, of course I don’t mind.
The thing is….
I have always enjoyed understanding how things work and how they work together.
Even if i may have a natural inclination towards logic and neurology, i always felt attracted by the theories about unification of sciences…and i have this relentless urge that i must do this even if it makes my previous success irrelevant.
Even if it looks like i am wasting a good start in a field with potential…i can’t help feeling this deep attraction and desire to study space and time.
So, what if all my work will not count? So, what if i start from scratch and might not be as good at this as others are…we have to explore ourselves, we need to experience it even if we will fail at it…
You know what! We will both apply!
I was afraid too, but maybe we can do it! I have a feeling that we will both get in!
As far as i am concerned, this may be the start of a new friendship.
Nice to meet you Kharis, now you aren’t a stranger anymore!”
She smiled with a honest display of comfort and hope, he has already solved her conflict with a mere encounter, theirs.
Larger identity:
“This is not real, you are not actually here”
Inner thoughts – Amina:
“That is absurd, why am i feeling this, of course it’s real.”
Larger identity:
“You are not here.
This is a chance for you to perceive the states of being with a new perspective of time and space, to understand where the decision to act has been born.
To act and to mend the feelings of fear, replace them with feeling of courage and excitement so that we can help you transition on our side.”
It was like a snap of a branch and suddenly her perception of the moment changed.
The hand of Kharis that she was holding as they said hello for the first time, felt cold, and the breeze of the salty sea air stopped.
Lapsing back into the “somewhere”, her thoughts were mixed with the current experience of a past long gone.
The feelings she felt remained, like a dream one forgets, yet still retains the knowledge of how it felt.
The states of emotions brought forward by the experienced time fragment stayed with her, the way dreams stay with us when we wakeup. She knew without a doubt that the dream of the past reality was left behind, and she is in The Everything again.
Amina:
“I remember this moment, I was afraid of failure, rejection, and loss of valuable time. If i could tell you…my dear Kharis…
When I met you, heard how much you travelled to get there and how deep your wishes were, I could feel your life force, the energy you carried within…
I felt attracted to it, like a moon falling in line and establishing an orbit around its brave planet, your will to live inspired me to live as well.
It was such a small and bright moment for me.
What is real and what is not real? Was I truly there?
It feels like it was real…but it also feels old…this reality. It doesn’t make sense…what am I? Where am I??
I don’t want to let go…i feel it going away…“
As the moment was passing by, the companion of fear has resurfaced, and something else was also present for Amina, the feeling of loss.
She looked around and felt like her reality is slowly freezing in time, every element slowly melting with every shape into a whirlpool of colored lights and waves.
Her experience of the past was being experienced as both the observer and the one being observed.
The duality of her awareness was just starting to develop in this new stage of existence she has been pushed into by the experiment.
It terrified her, but, at the same time, an understanding was being born that was bonded to the fresh feelings of courage and hope of the day she just lived.
The feelings left behind by this dream like experience helped her to focus herself in an attempt to summon the memories of becoming what she has become, and of where she really is.
When Amina let go of his hand that was now a blur of colors, she closed her eyes in fear and hope and also panic caused by the changing reality around her, and the next thing she knew, she was no more.
Kharis was gone, the lemon trees and their sweet scent was again part of the memory line, and the city of Dovenbarg went on to continue its linear timeline as it has been set by the mathematics of existence.
Her essence was now part of the whole, the extraction took place, and her energy was connected with her external cluster of intelligence, the whole of her evolution in time, her larger identity.
She has been born again, not as a new entity but as part of her original larger self, becoming fundamental consciousness.
In the battle of the many histories of life that she felt inside, with the thought that this is crazy, the order within started to settle, and the movement continued.
What felt like an unreal and unreasonable feeling, or perhaps just a feeling, “how can this not be real?” turned out to be correct, after all, she was not there even if she was there.
Amina:
“The experience felt like seconds that were hours when they passed.
I was there, it felt real, and I did not remember I am not me.
Everything in this space was not here for a moment, I could swear; it felt like there.
The love that filled me with the desire to live, is the feeling left by a moment that was here, but it’s not here anymore.
I am not sure if experiencing this memory is doing me more harm than good, or even if such a concept as “harm” can exist here.
I do enjoy the feelings, I wish I could stay there in that time fragment a bit longer, talking to you, being your friend…
The realization of the experience which exists somewhere, locked in a time fragment, found in a unique point in the spiral of time, a point that has passed no matter how present it feels, leaves me with feelings of incompleteness.
It is really difficult for me to understand the shapes of things existing and unfolding around me…and…I miss you…
I linger with my mind in a moment that was deeply important for me, a moment that only exists within me, which gave me a purpose and ended with regret…the guilt and fear of choices… good or bad decisions…wrong or right…
In this time and space, i sense no decision feels like a bad one. It feels like every decision is meant for its own context, i am learning perspectives.
I will find a way to tell you…Kharis, my precious bond…
I will find a way to tell all of this to you.”
As thoughts, impressions and feelings were born in Amina, the space surrounding her started to break into smaller and smaller components, the visual representations surrounding her changed, like ripping apart a piece of fabric fibre by fibre, in a process that she did not understand yet.
Letting herself fall and be absorbed by a universe she did not recognize, the state she found herself in reminded her of flight.
The feeling of flight, a vivid image of birds raising towards the sky, then letting themselves be carried by the natural forces that surround them, trusting their inner guidance, and just floating in the midst of what looks like nothingness.
Amina:
“Kharis, the things I never got to tell you…the experiences we never got to share…
How do I reach you? How do I tell you now?
I feel I am floating in this light show of flux and constants. I can see the shapes of my planet, but it looks different from where I am observing now…
It seems far away, and the number of its binding mass is too high for me to understand, it looks as if it is made of lights, lines of light, whipping each other and changing as they meet, pushing each other, knitting with each other, they interact…
They move forward and in-between, constructing points of matter and deconstructing it, as it goes ahead in time.
I remember now. My focus becomes clearer.
I am in this woven construct, i was in the heart of blinding white.
I am moving forward with this light in the dark, but I keep the point of my Origin, how do I describe it to you… it feels like remembering yesterday but in detail, as if you were there, as if you are living it now.
The paths we create are stabilised behind us, what comes from the Origin to push us forward obeys the rules we set, as we make room for more to come.
The lines of light move towards each other, space is so large and dark in-between.
The more of them there are, the more are attracted to join the cluster and share on its energy bindings, moving forward together in a symphony of cooperation, this is gravity, as I saw it in previous layers.
Bonds that grow and stay in symmetry over time.
We used to say dark matter is holding us together, now i understand, it was existence itself expressed over time in a way we could not see, that held us together…we could not see it as a human.
From our point in the spiral we could not see the spiral itself, and the spiral of time was what kept us together, we are time.
When i was a human, i could not see or think beyond my time bubble, nor could we interact with time outside our current present, how could we have known?
We as i have become here, are now these knots of strings that gravitate around each other, exchanging ourselves, our energy, for equilibrium, and suddenly, i am a rock that looks like a tiny planet. “
Larger Identity:
‘This will be where our pieces will bind into the first Planetary cluster. We shall settle down and support its growth.
Here we will give birth to more complex Layers. ‘
Amina:
I see the path to the planet I saw in the distance, and it is so long, so far, with the size of its constructed area far larger than anything I see around me.
The direction of our motion seems to head towards it, from a place far away and far smaller than i could have imagined, yet it was as spacious as it was needed inside.
We are expanding with each move, each time frame.
The movement and flow of time is causing change after change, i cannot find a top or a bottom and i am unable to keep up with the constant alterations.
I find myself again moving within the strings, and i am energy, thought and numbers.
I see those lightning flashes across the dark ether, but, they are in such high numbers i can’t even begin to express it to you, they are more static in presence than how i remember lightning from my time as a human.
They have a constant presence and a flow of something within that makes me think of values, expressed in numbers contained in a self-evolving equation. I move with them and evolve with them.
I am from them.
They exist in such high numbers that i cannot keep track of where they bonded and where they cut off, nor can i fully understand the complex patterns that they generate.
But i see that their laws dictate equilibrium, and in order to become one; a plus, the one who has more to give, must find the minus, the one who has space to receive, and in this way the equilibrium of becoming a new type of one can be born, I see this occurred at the start of Layer 3.
I can feel my connections and the pieces of me knitted in this tapestry.
