Then it all went bright; I could remember everything I ever learned. From the day I found my love for physics to the day I decided to follow it, all the way to the moment when I opened my eyes for the first time to see a world outside of myself.
Every step that has led me here, to the moment of this transfer, as I really do not know what else I could call it, was at my disposal to review and analyse.
It does not feel as they said it would in the old religions, it is a place of learning and understanding. The absolute kind of understanding.
All the connections and all the moments of time are displayed; the events are not to be debated but understood.
The space that surrounds me is white, a bright blinding light.
It feels as if I were sitting in the middle of a star that is made purely of energy from its core to the exterior of its edges; where explosions of waves fly off into the grand design, presenting a show of colors to all the forms that have been constructed to perceive it.
My first instinct is to close my eyes, yet i find that i have no eyes…and looking around, i do not see my body, but i feel myself and it feels real.
I do not know exactly where I am…but… an inner intuition makes me think i am within light, it is the most familiar experience that links to this perception of the space I am in.
It is the reflection and brightness that often causes us to go blind when looking at it through our fragile eyes, that must have led me to think of it; an effect of a perception i do not seem to feel now, yet I can still visualise and remember its effects.
In this space I am in, among everything that manifests and expresses itself here; I see pieces of me scattered around, they are bonded in a flexible non-permanent way and show me all that is part of me, beyond my human memories…
These pieces that i feel are of me, look tiny and round, they make me think of bubbles made of light.
They are malleable when they interact, like water; they are bright as if they hold a light bulb inside their core, a spark of energy perhaps…
These water-like bubbles expand and contract, choose the shape they take, and, i feel i am choosing with them. They seem to contain dimensions and depth, in which matrixes of mathematical expression form a sort of reality…
Is it a moment of life that it contains, or perhaps a memory?
I am aware it is still me even if it is in pieces, and it feels like we, or me, are flowing peacefully within this place that we would describe as a feeling of home; a warm feeling of home in this bright mix of many flavoured shapes.
The flavours, i feel, are colors, and each one seems to have a different way to interact, perceive, bind, as well as a unique visual expression.
The light spheres become one color in one shape, and another when they change. Like threads of a rainbow becoming a ball of white light strings here, and a ball of colored strings there, then returning to its thread like state. They remind me of what I knew to be the spectrum of light.
My mother, the mother I had in my lifetime, was very passionate about using light and colors as symbols to express her fascination with art and science.
Now, my thoughts are filled with those symbols, i can relate her artistic science to this perception. Those memories help me find a way to tell you about it, and for me to understand what i am experiencing.
The play of shapes and colors makes me summon the image of a food we called ice cream, with its many shapes and color mixes.
This looks like the flavours of light; a delicious mix of light shades, each with a distinct behaviour. A behaviour as unique as the taste of ice cream flavours.
Their flavour, their unique color, speaks of them; and defines the preference in how and when they do… what they do and how much of it is required to be done…
Within these forms and colors, pieces of consciousness are present; not as i knew it as a human but in a different way, i cannot find how to describe it to you in words…no beginning…no end…consciousness is a fundamental existence…
These tiny water like, light holding bubbles, flow around in different patterns displaying their shapes and giving birth to colors.
Whatever shape they take it is decided in symmetry, symmetry brings order in the flow of lights; it influences the expression of colors… and a dance of curiosity expressed in colored movements is born.
They pass through each other and pass by each other… it reminds me of what i knew as galaxy interactions; when two galaxies collide but they contain so much space some pieces merge some barely touch.
This is similar to that, but, much more brighter and closer, a first seat for the stage of thought and being.
Their numbers are constantly changing, they seem to exchange values, information, and these alterations influences what they are and how they look.
It feels peaceful, just like the times when I used to be in nature.
Imagine yourself in that moment of time where you felt like you don’t need anything else, no other wants come creeping in, a state of pure joy.
That is how I would describe it to you.
At first , there was an eerie silence in this place I have found myself; but these forms and expressions bring sound and images as they float around in their patterns.
They are running past me as if looking at the screen story of someone else’s existence. Each story carrying its own tune, similar to what I remember to be melodies.
Some stories feel sad and are complex like symphonies spreading across many pieces, while some feel joyful and colourful.
I hear a voice speaking to me, i feel like i know it…”
Voice:
‘The feeling of curiosity gave us the energy to move and our movement, our very existence, is creating these vibrations of sounds, these melodies of life…
Each melody, each story is encapsulated in the pieces of us; we define each other, separate yet connected. Together, we make everything that is and can be.
We exist and exchange, we receive, and we send; we know we are what we choose, but, we are also everything at the same time until we decide to be one thing or another. We are everything.
Focused or dispersed, it is still us; and we make the story of existence.’
“I am still confused by how everything here seems to exist…their combined melodies are like drops of pleasure, like eating something i enjoy deeply.
It almost feels like physical pleasure even if I am unaware of having a body; at least I cannot perceive what I understand as a body…I can however perceive states of feeling and awareness…
Time in this moment does not feel as passing or stopping, it does not feel as time is present at all; only a continues state of being, of existing within a moment of choice temporarily or outside in the all, freely being either one or the other.
I perceive the past as being in the present; then, it is the future, but still in the present; then the future is the past, expressing itself in the present, and yet, the present was everywhere I required it to be.
Where I focused upon, that became the present.
It felt confusing at first, but I… who I was, or perhaps, who I am; understands the complexities of time and space that are manifesting all around me now.
The voice I held inside my mind, that has been with me in my human form, deep within my very essence yet never speaking outside myself, seems to have followed; It talks to me with the kindness of what I remember a mother has.
Kindly amused at the child’s simple perspectives and actions, but gently teaching it how to grow and evolve from perceiving the surface to perceiving the depth of what is; until the child learns the larger picture and becomes part of the “grown-up” world.
In that same way, my dear voice that I remember from my life as a human, is with me, but it feels like it is larger and clearer; perhaps now, I am the smaller barely heard entity within.
It feels as if I am learning again the rules of being, moving, changing, and existing, in a different way than the one I have known.
Similar to a child born in a world much larger than itself, and whom has yet to learn the way to perceive and use its own host to coexist with the ones of its kind, I feel guided in a journey to learn and become.
In my perceiving these things around me, in the midst of this long and deep path of understanding; I am shown how to become and be part of what is… “being” itself.”
